Gracie Girl Blog

Summer stress should be an oxymoron, polar opposites, the difference between night and day…right? I mean, I practically live off the well known calendar of 9.5 months of stress and 2.5 months of summer/freedom/all things good and lovely. But maybe summer is not that simple.

I’ll be honest, God has been rocking my world lately (by lately I mean the last 3 years, as well as the last few months). He is throwing my calendar out the window. He is wrecking what I believe is best and replacing it with what He knows is best. God is really confusing me and really challenging me to trust right now.

If you look at my Instagram posts from last summer, you will find smiley tan pictures from the beach and camp, as well as various pictures of my best friends and I. But there are some things you just don’t post on Instagram. That summer I was up countless nights feeling anxious and crying because I was losing my best friend. That summer was hard.

Lesson #1: Hard things exist in summer. As much as we want to believe all evil ceases with the last day of school, that just isn’t reality. And that’s okay. Your summer does not need to be as perfect as the pictures you post. Truth is, life is messy no matter what and summer is not a vacation from living.

So let me talk about this summer. I was feeling pretty optimistic the first week. I rode 4 times which was a good start and I met with my sweet friend Brie. The second week included the fourth of July and a trip to Hershey Park. This third week has included watching all 3 of the Lord of the Rings movies with my second family and volunteering at the BEST Vacation Bible School northern Virginia has ever seen. I also worked my first couple shifts at my (literally) sweet new job at the best ice cream place in the area.

What has not been so exciting? Well, a new job is scary especially because it is a major obligation and I don’t want to mess up or disappoint anyone. Figuring it all out has been stressful. I’ve had to miss some rides because holidays and such come up. It’s normal but takes a toll on my sanity (horses are right under Jesus and family as far as the list of things I can count on goes). And if work is figured out, I get out to the barn a good amount, and I get to see my friends, there is still a sinking feeling that refuses to leave and hurts more than anything else.

Moving. This has been haunting me for MONTHS and even summer hasn’t made me immune. If anything, it’s confirmed the reality that I am closing a chapter in my life I do not want to end. I get caught up in how the heck job scheduling works and making sure I can ride soon that I forget to just sit down and cry. And being honest, I really need to do that sometimes. Maybe you do too, and hey that’s totally okay.

There have been multiple times in the last week I have felt stressed, and I freaked. Like I said, I have a very specific calendar that designates when stress is allowed to be present. I also had a very specific calendar that planned out “Graduate from Fairfax Highschool” and “Your next biggest change will be going to college in 2 years”. Ha. I can almost hear God laughing. Not a creepy, mean “Lol you THOUGHT!” laugh, but a “Grace don’t you know I planned your life before the beginning of time and there are far better things ahead of you than you could ever imagine” type laugh.

Lesson #2: Summer is often a transition time. Whether it’s right before starting middle school or high school, or just in the middle of a lot of change, summer marks the end of one school year and clears the slate for opportunities in the fall. For me, it’s hard to live in the moment because I feel like I need to be worrying about something. But it’s important to put effort into simply living in the transition time.

Lesson #3: Summer doesn’t have to be either good or bad, it can be both. This summer is one of the hardest yet, but there are a lot of good and fun and sweet things I have already done and look forward to doing that shouldn’t be forgotten.

It would be easy to write a verse down and talk about how everything will get better. But that wouldn’t be honest of me. Yes, God is good and life does get better and God is strong in our weakness. But that is so hard to believe sometimes.

The most recent truth I have learned from this difficult season of life is that it is important to have friends and people who can hope for you. People to believe the best is yet to come when all you can see is the crap that is yet to come. I’m so blessed to have so many people to say to me “Grace, this is going to be so good” even though I seriously doubt it.

Lesson #4: It’s okay to doubt. Y’all this is one I’m still learning. I feel like there’s this expectation on me to pretend like I have everything figured out and that I’m totally good with God all the time and never doubt what I learn in church. That is just not true. God really threw me a curve ball here, taking me away from my school, my friends, and my home. My prayers more often start with “God what the heck!” instead of “Thank you for this day.” I know that God is good, I have and will continue to bet my life on it. But that doesn’t mean I understand what He is doing all the time. Some old lyrics come to mind:

“I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed, what God has planned.” 

It’s okay if your most relatable verse is John 11:35 “Jesus wept.” It’s okay if your summer isn’t picture perfect (because guess what, no one’s is). It’s okay if you are stressed even though school isn’t in session.

There are chapters of our lives that are tough to write, but it is all part of God shaping us into who He wants us to be, and God will not appoint you to a place just to watch you fail.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze. 

Isaiah 43:2

Bottom line is that we WILL go through hard things, but God WILL be with us.