Gracie Girl Blog

Young Life Camp. It was freeing and fun and meaningful. It was dance parties every day, fun meals, and lots of running around. It was pushing limits and scaling a really big hill. It was beautiful, but it was also hard. My heart ached for all my sweet friends to hear the message of Jesus, the message we all need to hear.

Moving. The day came to say goodbye to my home of 13 years and it didn’t hit me until moving day when I was looking for my cat. This crazy kitty who comes when we call her and has stressed me out since I was in first grade with her love for being outside. It hit me that finding Lily meant there was nothing else to stay for. The tears began to roll as I looked for my cat in the backyard that holds all of my childhood memories. We found her, I said a tearful goodbye to the room that has been my safe place since I can remember, and drove away.

The first thing I did in the new house while waiting for everyone else to arrive was play my guitar really loud and let it echo off the bare hardwood. I guess it was some sort of christening, a way to make the walls a little more friendly.

Unpacking was GREAT until I had to open boxes haha. It was fun to organize but overwhelming at the same time.

I’d say my biggest fear about the first few weeks after moving was loneliness. I felt like I’d feel far away from everyone and everything. Well, God took care of that one for me. Every single day for a little over a week after we moved I either met with a friend or had someone over. It was tiring, but really really good.

Wyoming. Amazing as always. The mountains are magical and it’s a world that I never want to say goodbye to. When we arrived, it was as if time at the ranch had stood still, nothing had ever changed and we had never left. For someone who is learning  not to hate change, this was great. Except if time had really stood still, Ginny, Will, and Mary would have been there too (my favorite ranch friends). And I half expected them to just show up. It was hard knowing they weren’t going to be there with me. We met a lot of nice kids and even tubed down the river (which is a blog post in itself). My horse’s name was Ellie and she was super sweet. The wranglers were really nice and funny. The weather was beautiful. The stars- the. stars. I’d say the strongest argument for the truth of Jesus is things like stars. They don’t have to be there, but they are because God loves us so much He wants to surround us with beautiful things that cannot be taken away, even in a broken world.

I was not bawling my eyes out flying out of Jackson Hole airport for the first time ever. I now know that I will be back and that God will bring me back. I also wasn’t leaving one of my favorite people in the world, so the goodbye didn’t hurt as much.

But touching down in Northern Virginia was awful. With a week before school starting, I had to force myself to look at my summer assignments and face the reality of going to a new school. I returned to what I so lovingly called “my living nightmare.”

I didn’t finish my summer assignments. There was no way I could with the time I had given myself and the denial I had. I explained to one teacher why I didn’t finish. I took a test on a book I didn’t read. For me, a straight A student, it’s unusual and seems like a bad way to start off the year. But maybe it’s okay, maybe it was better to spend a little more time in summer than in textbooks.

The night before the first day was messy. I just cried because it was sinking in that I wasn’t going to see my best friends tomorrow. In fact, I’d be sitting in rooms with people I didn’t know at all. That night I learned one of my small group leaders was stepping  down (fourth leader of mine to step down within a year). And I just didn’t understand why. I felt so distant from everyone I loved and didn’t (still don’t) understand how it could be good. I hadn’t seen one of my best friends/mentor in two weeks, I wasn’t going to see my Young Life leaders greeting us that morning, I wasn’t going to go back to the familiar conversations of the getting-to-school-early squad and jumping back into a routine of who I walk with to what class. Getting up in the morning sounded impossible.

As Anna and I sat there eating breakfast, there was a knock on the door. In walked that friend/mentor/Young Life I mentioned above with coffee for us. We sat and talked before we had to leave. I honestly tried not to cry happy tears because her showing up made the day a whole lot less scary.

The first week was okay. I met some people. I got slammed with work immediately (why I am taking 4 APs I really can’t tell you). But it wasn’t the disaster of a week I think I expected it to be.

My birthday fell right in the middle of this crazy week. And I can’t even begin to explain how loved I felt, and how thankful. First of all, when I was making breakfast in walked 2 of our old neighbors/sisters/second family. Months ago, Charlotte said she’d bring me cupcakes on my birthday to cheer me up because I was complaining about probably not having any friends. Well she did, and she, Caroline, and Mrs. O woke up pretty dang early to bring them to me. It was so good to hug them before school ❤ Then at school my first period teacher brought donuts for my bday which she totally did not have to do. That night the family came over and we had tacos and I opened presents. My biggest present this year is leasing a horse (which we are still in the process of working out) and when the boys (cousins) heard that they all started clapping and that, for some reason, meant a lot. My birthday, although not ideal and so different than usual, was a success.

My friends came over that Sunday and, honestly, I was a little worried. This new house is big and I expected to be judged for it. Nope. They all made themselves right at home and were excited to think of all the fun we could (and will) have here. I’m thankful for friendships that feel like home.

So after 2 weeks of school and a little over a month in the house, here’s how it feels.

The second week of school was significantly better than the first. I’ve found some people I think I want to be friends with but trying to get into a friend group junior year is tough and awkward and I barely know these girls so it’s hard to tell if they’re good friends. It’s still so hard to think about Fairfax High School. I hate to think about what (and who) I’m missing  and if I’m going to look back at these two years and think “Wow I missed out on so much.”

I do not think about the old house much. There isn’t much of a reason to, unless I want to cry. The first night here, the windows were too far apart, the ceilings were too tall, the floor was too cold and the house was too big. Sometimes, it still feels like that and I would give anything to be back in my smaller room with my carpet floors looking out of the windows at the culdesac with kids playing in it.

…

To condition your heart for something better

I felt these words whispered to my heart by the Holy Spirit as I bawled and asked God over and over “WHY”. I think about running when I think about the word “condition”. Running is hard and pushing yourself is painful, but it’s freeing at the same time, you feel alive. I don’t know what this something better is. I need to trust that God does and that He is good and faithful.

My life has felt like a storm. All emotions mixed in, so many things happening everyday, a whirlwind of life. Great things, fun things, happy things. Painful things, hard things, sad things.

It has been fascinating to watch the effects of massive storms on Texas, and now Florida. It’s heartbreaking to see people losing their homes, and any sense of normal. It’s difficult to watch the chaos and stress that goes into preparing for a hurricane and enduring one.

When the storm is that apparent, it’s hard to ignore. Yet, we all have storms in our own lives that wreck and ruin and call for repairs. Those storms are easier to ignore and to hide, but you have to acknowledge it sometime and work towards restoration. Thankfully, we never have to rebuild alone. And in the storm, you are never alone.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me through out this season. Thank you to everyone who has been hoping for me. Thank you to everyone who made me feel so loved on my birthday. I am beyond blessed and thankful for each and every person in my crazy but oh so beautiful life. Thanks for reading this even though it was more of a summary of the last few months than a blog post with a point. ❤

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the last few months: