Gracie Girl Blog

The story of this particular Sunday really starts on the Monday before it, when my eleven year old cat did not come home.

Lily has stayed out for entire nights before, and even a little longer. She loves being outside and if the family is around, she sticks around too. She has been doing this for ten whole years, and at times it scared me half to death when she didn’t come home, but she always returned.

She was no where to be seen on Tuesday.

Or on Wednesday.

I think it was Tuesday when I began to worry, and worry a lot. We looked for her multiple times a day. I could barely call her name I was so choked up with tears. I hated heading home from anywhere because I knew I was most likely heading home to no Lily.

I told some friends, and asked them to pray that she’d come back. I cried so much, and tried to grasp the fact that my best friend of ten years may not be coming home.

We prayed as a family, and I think that helped a little. I wrote “Please bring Lily home” about a hundred times in my prayer journal.

I was so confused. Why would God let this happen? If He really does care about every little thing, where the heck is He when my cat runs away? Is He trying to give me reasons NOT to trust Him?

Saturday was the five day mark and that is when my heart really started to break. I sucked it up yet again, I went to my SAT class, and to work. I came home and cried….again. I stayed up until midnight praying, again.

I watched a video from a woman I follow on social media about showing up for life in the midst of extreme grief. This woman lost both her brother and a son, as well as experiencing a failed adoption of three kids her family was fostering. Talk about heart break. Yet, she is so full of life and love and one of the things she said is that if one thing has come out of this heart-shattering grief, it is that she understands deep pain and can honestly tell people they are not alone. (Her name is Natalie Norton, I recommed looking her up)

So what possible meaning could I find in the midst of losing my best friend, the little fluff ball that has been here for me since first grade?

Well I believe it is this: I now am able to more deeply grasp how God feels when we do not come home. When we refuse to run back to Him, when we hide as He seeks us out. Lily has been my cat for ten years, and it is my worst nightmare to lose her and not know what the heck happened. But I did not make her. I did not know her before she was born and I did not plan her life and I did not decide exactly what lovely qualities she should have. This and more is what God has done for us, how much more must our running away shatter His heart?

Sunday was the day I planned to sleep in, the day of rest after a week up staying up until midnight and being emotionally spent.  I was half awake as I heard my family stir downstairs. I figured they were checking what games were going to be canceled because of the rain. I still wanted to sleep in.

I heard a knock on my door and then, “We have a surprise for you.” My parents came in and handed me my cat who showed up at the door this morning. I just sat there holding her in shock, and thankfulness.

This Sunday has been rainy and cold. A lovely fall Sunday if you ask me, but a little too close to being one of the worst days of my life. I hate when Lily is out in the rain, and the thought that she might have been is still painful to think about. Thankfully, she has been laying right next to me, dry and warm, the entire time I have been writing this blog post (and the majority of the day).

The little brat is going to get leash trained, or get an electric fence collar. We have also considered attaching a gopro to her to see where the heck she goes, so if anyone has a tiny gopro, please let me know.

Jokes aside, I think it is easy to underestimate how much God wants us to come home. We tend to think He is angry, rather than believing He wants to welcome us into His arms more than anything and no matter what we have done. Maybe this little story is your sign to start making your way back home. Maybe that means pursuing God deeper than you have been, and maybe that means  walking toward Him for the first time ever. Either way, He is waiting for you and He wants to welcome you in out of the rain.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for this crazy kitty of mine. I believe God answers all prayers, sometimes He says yes, sometimes He says wait, and sometimes He says “no, I have something better.” We may never know His motives for these answers this side of heaven, but of the little I know about God, I know His plan is good.

Another thing I’ve learned from this tough week is that God loves ruining my plans. I may have wanted to sleep in this morning, but He had something a whole lot better planned. And thank goodness for that 🙂

P.S. Here are some of my favorite pictures (of the hundreds I have) of my Lily girl. Some in the old house, some in the new. I am so thankful for her.