Gracie Girl Blog

I sat down to journal for the first time in a while. I was alone in our cabin of 12 total girls and 2 leaders. Something felt off, it’d been a bit of a struggle to adjust to camp, but I didn’t quite know why. Camp is a place to let go and have fun, but its also a good place to reflect, to let your mind catch up with your heart. Sitting on the floor with a pen and my journal, that’s what I was doing.

Emotions spilled out. Anger, frustration, gratitude, happiness. All of it.

Out of this vital quiet time, of just me and God, I was able to realize exactly what I was feeling and put it together in words.

I get a lot of questions about moving. If I like the house, the new school, if I’ve made friends. More often than not, my answers reflect what I know the person wants to hear. The house is nice, the school is good, yes I’ve made new friends.

But it’s not that simple or easy.

Truthfully, my heart is split down the middle.

On one side, I love where I am now. I love the new people I have met, our new house (and the perks that come with it), and the newness of everything. I like that I got to start over, I like where I am.

On the other side, I would go back in a heartbeat. I’d love to never move, to live in my childhood home, to go to Fairfax High School and Fairfax Young Life. To not have to feel lonely and disconnected sometimes (who am I kidding though, we all feel that sometimes, no matter where we are). It’s this side of my heart that aches more, that tends to take over.

I’m in a bizarre place, to feel like I belong so many places, yet sometimes, nowhere at all.

Being brutally honest, sometimes I hate that we moved and that God called me somewhere else.

But if I don’t trust God is doing a good thing, executing a good plan, and calling me to a place that is good for me, what else do I have to believe in?

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

I’ve had this verse memorized for as long as I can remember, yet it wasn’t until this past year I learned to cling to it. I don’t know “insert all things I don’t know here“, but God knows. And He has things in store to prosper me, for me to flourish, to give me hope and a future to look forward to, not fear.

Maybe you just need to sit in that truth today: God is watching out for you, He knows what you’ve been through and He knows what’s ahead. Yes, we have reasons to be anxious and worried because, based on my life experience so far, what’s next can be heartbreaking, tragic, and painful. It can also be wonderful, fun, and sweet. BUT no matter what’s next, God’s love is endless, his grace and mercy are limitless, and his goodness is strong.

In reading verses I’ve read a million times, I start to gloss over them. Like “yeah yeah good plans, hope and a future, that sounds nice.” but let me define some words to remind me and you how much deeper God is than good sounding verses.

love: deep affection

God has deep affection for you. 

mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is one’s power to punish or harm 

God is always ready and willing to show you mercy. In fact, He takes every opportunity He has to show you mercy. 

Grace: a great, amazing, person… just kidding 😉

grace: the free, unearned favor of God; a gift given but not deserved 

God loves us not because of what we do or don’t do, He just loves us. He offers us good things, even when we are running from Him. Ask for grace, He will give it. 

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

I could never have dreamed, imagined, or planned what my life is now. But I can say my life is abundantly more. Abundantly more full of love, full of people, and full of life. My heart may be split, but both sides are now bigger.

Only through the grace of God and his work in me have I been able to embrace the call to help build the kingdom here.

Our futures are secure, our lives have been planned well, we have no reason to be anxious.

I hope, wherever you are in life, that today you can see and believe that God only does good work and plans good things.