Gracie Girl Blog

My sister and I are very close to our neighbors across the street. We’ve been close friends since they moved in 11 years ago, and have grown up together. In fact, my sister and I are considered daughters 5 and 6 at their house (it’s a family with 4 girls). We’ve been through a lot in 11 years, some things better than others.

First, I must talk about Dutchess (or DD). I was about 6 when our neighbors got their first standard poodle puppy. I’d been hearing about the puppy for a while and when she finally arrived I actually ditched the friend I was playing with to go meet her..whoops.

DD was a crazy puppy. She was dark black with sharp teeth and liked jumping up on people. My 6 year old self loved her anyway and I was so happy to have a puppy right across  the street.

As kids, we were constantly playing with our neighbors (there were a lot of other kids in the culdesac too). We had a very serious Nature Club and were always looking for things to do. In the background of those memories, Dutchess was always around. Greeting me at the door, playing in the backyard. Racing around the front yard (she was pretty fast). When my neighbors went away, I took care of her. She was always sort of quiet and sad when her family wasn’t home. She never wanted to go too far from the house (she was the protective type). I always loved those moments when everything was quiet and it as just me and her.

I don’t think I will ever forget that Tuesday in November when Caroline texted me in the middle of history class saying they had to put Dutchess down…tomorrow. DD hadn’t been herself and had begun to lose weight rapidly in the weeks before we found out what was wrong. She’d always been a skinny dog, but this time was different. I remember sitting in history class staring at my phone in one of those moods where if the teacher had yelled at me for having my phone out, I would have just walked out of the room. I got home from school and went over to see Dutchess. She was laying by the front door in the sunlight, really quiet and calm.. too calm. Lauren came and we both just broke down in tears. I had to leave to go riding (which was a needed distraction), but that night everyone hung out in the basement with her and we took our last pictures with her.

Saying goodbye was so hard..but I pet her for the last time and kissed her nose for the last time and forced myself to leave. I most definitely cried myself to sleep that night, and many nights after.

DD was only 7 when she was put down. It was so unsettling because we all thought we had so much more time with her. It felt so unfair. I had lost a best friend.

My neighbors did get another dog, same kind as Dutchess, around Christmas that year. Her name was Olive which means healing. It was a perfect name for her. She was so bubbly and happy and goofy. She had so much energy and loved attention.

But I could never love her like I did Dutchess. Whether I could help it or not, I don’t know. For my neighbors, she was the perfect dog not to take DD’s place, but like I said, to heal. I came to realize though that this was not MY dog, and as awful as it sounds, I didn’t have to  care if I didn’t want to.

Did I care? Yes. I loved Olive, just not in the way I loved Duchess, just not as deep. I always knew I would regret it, I really did. When I watched her while her family was away, I didn’t spend extra time with her. Overall, I didn’t make a big effort because all I wanted was to have my girl DD back.

I can honestly say I have no clue why God allows some things to happen. Things that just don’t make sense and seem to hurt more than they help. However, the Bible does say that the Lord gives, and takes away (Job 1:21). We just have to trust that he has a plan, a plan greater than the ones we have for ourselves. A plan that in the end, is better than we could ever imagine.

On May 16, 2016, Olive had to be put down for a condition oddly similar to DD’s. She was 2 years old. It was a bizarre thing, to have just gotten Olive, and then having to lose her so quickly. To be honest, I’m still getting used to it. It didn’t hurt me as much as losing Dutchess, but it wasn’t easy either.

I think it’s important to not just look at what God has taken away, but what God has given.  In fact it’s probably better to spend your time on what God has given you, I can guarantee you it’s a lot.

About a month ago, my neighbors came home with Champion (Champ). He is and 11 week old standard poodle puppy, BUT he is a silver beige and a boy, so pretty different. Meeting him for the first time reminded me a lot of meeting Dutchess for the first time. He’s pretty mellow but LOVES playing with a soccer ball. After regretting not loving Olive as much as I should have, I know that I can love this new little guy.

Do I believe pets go to heaven? Yes, definitely. Especially if they have belonged to or been loved by one of God’s people. Besides, I figure even if they really don’t, what’s the harm in believing they do? When we get to heaven, it’ll be the best place ever whether there are pets there or not.

Some days I wish it was still Dutchess greeting me at the door, jumping up on me and peeing from excitement. I still miss her and while as time goes on, the grief heals more, sometimes it hits me like a brick that she’s gone and it hurts all over again.

But then I can imagine her in heaven. Racing through fields, getting to know Olive, and patiently waiting for her family (and me!) to come to play with her. 🙂