Gracie Girl Blog

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

A few months ago I posted something on my Instagram about body image. I said what I wanted to say, but still (of course) could have said more. The response I got was so positive, more people than I ever imagined commented. Not just friends, but people who on the outside, seem confident and popular, but I’m positive that in reality, their lives aren’t as perfect as they like people to think. It was a cool thing to see, and a vulnerable thing.

In that post, I basically said that body image is something that I struggle with, and how I felt like I should crack down before summer with my eating and exercising. But anyone who has gone to high school knows that the end of the year can also be the most stressful time. You are DONE. Exhausted physically and mentally. I wasn’t in the place to add more weight on my shoulders. And instead of beating myself up for it, I cut myself some slack.

I will start at the beginning.

Puberty…it was my worst nightmare. I was scared of it, then going through it was weird. Yes, typical feelings. Though for me it was different, it hit me at a time in my life when I was really happy. I didn’t want anything to change (well, I’m never good with change). Life was good and I didn’t want to grow up.

While I know I’m still young, I’m a very different person than I was in 6th grade. And that change, was really hard. But focusing on me growing up is a whole other blog post. I will say that now, looking back, I’ve only recently noticed some things that have changed. Body image being on of them.

I didn’t realize how I had stopped loving myself, until I made an effort to start again. I’ve always been a confident person. I’ve never been “skinny”, but that never really bothered me. Coming out on the other side of puberty, it’s like part of my brain or heart was shut down. The “unconditional self love” part. Suddenly, it took so much effort. There were negative thoughts where positivity used to flow. I lacked confidence for once in my life. And that was scary.

One day near the end of 8th grade I was home sick with what seemed to be the stomach bug I got annually. I was frustrated with myself, knowing my eating wasn’t great. I rode once a week, but that isn’t enough exercise to keep a person healthy. I will also say that in the time I had the most potential to grow (in height), I was eating the worst. My mom kept pressuring me to get better about it, but that only made the problem worse. It was kind of a pit I didn’t want to admit I was in. (It’s also part of the reason why I think I am not as tall as I could have been)

While getting over my stomach bug, my sister and I got the book Body and Soul by Bethany Hamilton (one of my all time favorite people). I read it all within a day. It was just what I needed. The book is for young women, about how to be healthy physically and spiritually. I was reading about how working out only works when you love what you are doing, and that healthy eating can be fun. I had never heard this before, I didn’t know how much potential I really had (a result of the lack of confidence thing). This is what I consider the beginning of my health journey.

It took a lot for me to start running, to find workouts and do them. Part of me was ashamed. I’d always considered myself athletic, but now without jump rope team or soccer, I was kind of lost. I thought my family and well, everyone, would judge me. Working out is one of those things you just have to start if you want to do it. So I started. And I haven’t stopped since. I workout usually 6-7 days a week. The big reason I ever skip workouts is because school just ate my energy that day. Currently, I am in the middle of finding a routine. Running is a staple for me, I have done a ton of Blogilates workouts and I TOTALLY recommend her if you are just starting to exercise (she does free workout vids on YouTube). I have taken up yoga, which I didn’t think I had the patience for, but have since realized I need it to help me slow down.

Running. Everyone hates it. Now I am no marathoner, but I do know a thing or two. Most people say they dislike it because it’s painful. They aren’t wrong. Sure, you get better at it, thus less pain, but that means (to me) that it’s time to push harder. I think the secret to it is to learn to love the pain. I come home and workout everyday because I need a break. I need something better than sitting in a chair doing work. When I’m running, I feel alive. I feel every heartbeat. And afterwards? I may feel like my body is screaming, but it usually is screaming “Yes! This is good this is neccesary.” It’s a good pain.(feel the burn, love the burn)

Eating is what haunts me. It is my constant struggle on a minute by minute basis. I eat way better than I used to, my self control has improved. But I am no where near where I want to be. I can feel myself getting stronger, but I will never get to where I want to be if I don’t eat clean. It’s a work in progress. That’s just where I am at now.

Through this whole health/self loved journey I’ve learned a lot.

I’ve learned  that there is a fitness community on the internet that is SO positive and accepting. “Self love” is a big thing right now in the media. And while it is so important to accept where you are and love your body, regardless of how you may feel it looks, I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to get better.

I’ve learned I am my hardest critique. I can be so hard on myself. So much of physical health is mental health. I can’t expect to improve if I am constantly hating on myself. It’s a daily battle to look at yourself in the mirror and accept where you are today, right NOW, but it’s a battle worth fighting.

My youth pastor once said “You always lose the comparison game.” That could not be more true. My ONLY competition should be myself. Looking at other people and thinking “Wow I could never look that great or be that strong” is literally helping NO ONE.

I’m still building my confidence. I don’t think I will ever be done working on myself. And if all else fails? I know that God made me beautifully in His image. That won’t ever change, and really who else do I need to please?

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14