Gracie Girl Blog

The hardest thing about riding? If you ask me, it’s not the frustration of a difficult horse. It’s not having to wear pants and boots and a helmet, even in the heat of summer. It’s not even falling off (Okay literally yes the ground is the hardest thing). The hardest thing about riding is dealing with what you don’t have control of. 

Sometimes yes, this literally means not having control of a horse. In fact, I’d prefer falling  off to being run-away with. But in my experience with the sport, sometimes the things that happen when you’re not in the saddle are the things that take a toll on you.

This “life lesson” began when my instructor left my barn this past spring. It was somewhat of a crazy situation, and she didn’t get to say goodbye like she planned to. There weren’t any hard feelings on my part, but I definitely felt blindsided and devastated. I took the news hard. With me, anything that effects my riding is a big deal. I take what my instructor says more seriously than anything I learn in school. This was a huge change for me, and I’m not good with change. Suddenly my perfect barn, couldn’t be perfect anymore. It’d always be missing something. 

I remember going to the barn for the first time to have a lesson with the new instructor. It was good because I could talk to my friend whom I’d ridden with for a year and get some clarity about what was going on. Everything at the barn felt a little off. I remember taking a deep breath as we walked out to the ring, praying this new instructor wasn’t godzilla.

The next month was characterized by unsureness and more leaving. My instructor had left to run her own barn, and I think everyone at least considered moving to her place. A lot of people did leave. A lot of things changed.When my instructor left, I felt like my world was falling apart. I expected people to leave. I expected hard changes.

A big part of this struggle was my sudden lack of trust. I’m someone who gets attached, attached to places, people, animals, routines, etc. I didn’t trust anyone to stick around. The craziness of course wore off, but I half expected everything to fall apart again.

In June, one of my favorite horses, Maddie, was moved to a different barn. I felt like I had lost a best friend. But at the same time, there’s something about horses that leaves great hope. It’s easy to imagine them cantaring across a feild, even if it’s just in your dreams. At the same time, I was desensitized to it. I still expected change and leaving.

A short time after, I fell of another horse and though I had a giant bruise and trouble walking for a few days, the most painful part was the realization I didn’t have my “saftey” horse anymore. With Maddie gone, I didn’t have a home base to go back to to boost my confidence. I didn’t have  a horse I completely trusted. I felt lost.

In July I worked with a little pony named Tiddwick who was on trial as a lesson horse. He was a handful, but definitely taught me a lot. Unfortunately he didn’t work out and wasn’t at my barn for long. But I enjoyed working with him. I don’t think just because you aren’t guaranteed time with something or someone, you shouldn’t put your heart into it. A lot of times the things you learn and good times you spend overshadow the pain of (in this case a horse) leaving.

My other favorite horse, Disi, was just recently moved by his new owner to a different barn. Yep, more leaving. Disi was my boy just as much as Maddie was my girl. He is a typical Thoroughbred and the horse I did my first show on. He is special to me because he reminds me so much of Rocky, my first horse-love. I definitely miss him but am so thankful for what he taught me and the time I got to be with him.

So what’s been the good in all this? Well, my first relization was no place is perfect, no situation is perfect. You shouldn’t expect perfection, but be thankful for all the wonderful moments.

I think the best thing I’ve learned is that God is watching out for me. My riding career is something I pray a lot about, just because it means so much to me. I think the saying “Great things never came from comfort zones” holds true. I’ve become a little less attached to comfort and more attached to the journey. Losing the horses I was comfortable on has helped me grow and learn so much. Having different instructors (none of which are godzilla by the way) has taught me a lot too.

Like I said, it’s a journey. Sometimes I do still feel a little lost without my old instructor or horses. But you can’t live life looking backwards, you aren’t going that way.

Another blessing has been Rain, another lesson horse on trial that I’ve been working with this August. We are teaching her how to jump and she’s so willing and her confidence has grown so much in just a couple weeks. She’s super lovable. She’s a horse I feel like God has placed in my life for a reason. We’re both in a similar position, not quite sure where we belong. The other day, I let her back into the field and she hardly moved away from the gate (probably because it was so stinking hot and we were both exhausted). So I stayed and petted her. She leaned into me and I realized she doesn’t have an owner who loves on her consistantly. For horses this actually does matter. Most of them enjoy human contact and routine. She rested her head on my shoulder and nearly fell asleep. I realized that I needed her too. Whether or not she will stick around ( I really hope she does), we were there for each other in the moment and that’s what matters. ❤