Gracie Girl Blog

For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,

Do not fear; I will help you.

-Isaiah 41:13

I still remember the picture of her getting an MRI. I remember it not being a big deal, but people kept talking and suddenly everyone was tense. Something was really wrong. Really wrong. And then the news came that it was cancer. A super rare type of cancer. And it didn’t feel real. I remember hanging out with Noelle, as we avoided the subject. We were little 7th graders. We didn’t know what to do. Amelia had cancer.

I remember it not sinking in. I was never a close friend of Amelia, but she lives down the street from me and  we’ve always had mutual friends. Even though we weren’t close, her having to fight that awful disease greatly affected me.

I hated 7th grade, but often times I’d think “If Amelia can get through this day, I certainly can.” In youth group, she was always a prayer request. For months it just felt like everyone was holding their breath. We waited for good news and bad news. It affected our whole community.

The unanswerable question was “Why Amelia?” Why not me? Why wasn’t it me? Why wasn’t it Noelle or Sloan or Charlotte or Alli? Why Amelia?

It hit close to home. She was my age. She loved animals like I did. She was just normal, like me.

I felt guilty because I was home for Christmas when she wasn’t. I was stressed about homework while she was fighting for her life. She could smile despite everything happening, while I found it hard to smile in the midst of the small problems I was facing.

It’s really frustrating knowing that there is nothing you can do. No amount of cards or awareness or even money could make her immediately better. All we could do is hit our knees. And trust that God, who does have the power to immediately heal, would do so. I remember begging him to save her.  I was watching so many people around me hurting because of this, and that hurt me to.

When her hair began to fall out, the bad spots formed the shape of a cross. Maybe that was our sign.

God answered us. 

Amelia has been cancer free for a while now. I see her at the bus stop and we are at pretty much the same place we’ve always been.

Sometimes, I feel really unworthy to write about this. I wasn’t the most involved, I wasn’t in the hospital with her. I can’t tell you what it felt like from anyone else’s perspective but mine.

There are two main points I want to make.

The first, is that childhood cancer is a huge problem, and it affects so many people. It only receive 4% funding from the government. This means almost no research goes into bettering treatments for kids with cancer. Many treatments are extremely harsh and painful. Some forms don’t have any cures, or very few treatments. Kids deserve #morethan4 I encourage you to learn more about childhood cancer and about how you an help. September is childhood cancer awareness month.

The second, is that there is always hope.  God hears you. Sometimes, He heals here on earth. Other times, He brings people up to be with Him, and they are healed that way. There is no cancer in heaven. Either way, he hears you. It is so so hard to just keep breathing sometimes. I find great comfort in knowing that what hurts us hurts God too. We live in a broken world, and really freaking messed up stuff like cancer exists. But God is so much stronger than even the most uncurable cancer.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 

-Matthew 19:14