Gracie Girl Blog

Story time:

It was a Tuesday evening in May. There were some clouds lingering, but I had made it to the barn without encountering any rain. My riding lesson ended up just being me, one of my barn friends, and our instructor.

We had started jumping when it started to pour. We were in our indoor ring already, so we weren’t getting wet, however, the rain is extremely loud on the roof that you can barely hear anything else. The horse I was riding, Smudge, doesn’t enjoy that sound.

He took off. Galloping around the ring (with me on his back). I just shoved my heels down and stayed balanced because there is no easy way to dismount a galloping horse. It took everything in me, but I managed to make him stop and back up (backing a horse up shows them that you are in charge and is a sort of disciple as no horse likes backing up). He stopped for a second and then took off again. I managed to stop him again and my instructor signaled me to hop off.

Smudge is an old and dependable horse. His personality is much like that of a grandpa, set in his ways but forgiving. He is extremely lazy, to the point that while him galloping around was an adrenaline rush, I wasn’t too afraid because I knew he’d stop eventually.

That was only half of my night.

The rain subsided and we were able to put the horses out with little hassle. I got in my car, turned on my music, and started the drive home. It was already 8:00pm, the drive usually takes about 45 minutes.

Not even 3 minutes from the farm in started to rain again. It came pouring down and I began to worry my car would slide or that a puddle would be too deep to get through. About 7 minutes from the barn, I pulled over.

I was still very much out in the country. I realized while yes it was pouring, it wasn’t too awful when the car was stopped. I decided to keep going, even if that meant driving 25mph in a 55mph zone. I had not gone far when I pulled over again, realizing the rain wasn’t letting up. My options were to wait it out still 35 minutes from home, or keep going. I kept going.

I got out of the country and to where more cars were. Just as I reached the first big intersection, the rain started coming down so hard I couldn’t see. I got really nervous and  turned into a shopping center, called my dad, and waited for it to pass.

(Don’t worry there is a point to this story)

About 10 minutes later, the worst of it had passed, but there was a lot of lightening all across the sky, lighting the clouds up purple. I realized that I’d have to drive into the storm to get home. So that’s what I did.

At this point I was on major roads and there wasn’t much fear of flooding or anything. But still, I didn’t like driving into the storm.

Then it hit me. What I did that Tuesday night is what this entire season of life has felt like. 

There was never a doubt in my mind that God wasn’t bigger than the storm. I really wasn’t that afraid of the lightening, I think it’s cool that God displays his power that way. Yet I didn’t want to drive into the storm. Especially when it was pouring. I wanted to turn around and race back to blue skies as fast as I could. But home wasn’t that way. Home was on the other side of, even in, the storm.

My eyes teared up as I realized this. It’s not that I think I can’t make new friends or that the new house is going to be awful or that things won’t get better. It’s just HARD to walk into the storm. It feels like it would be a lot easier  and make a lot more sense to run the other way. To run to what’s familiar.

Sometimes recently, I have been Smudge, running in circles as fast as I can in hopes that it’ll change something.

Sometimes I have put a pause on life, “pulled over”, and thought about what’s coming.

Sometimes I have tried to keep driving and failed because the rain is just coming down too hard and there is nothing to do but wait.

The one thing I have done the least of is thank God for the storm. I have not stopped to thank God for his power over the storms in my life. I have not looked at my messy situation and thought “Wow God is gonna make something beautiful out of this.”

Just as I realized what I believe God wanted me to realize by putting this storm on this particular Tuesday night, the song “Closer Than You Know”  by: Hillsong United came on. The first words, meant to be in the voice of God, say:

I tempered the storm

Though your faith was small

Yep that’s me, the one with small faith. This song reminded me of Jesus calming the storm and also walking on water in the midst of a storm. In campaigners (Bible study) a few months ago, we went through what those storms must have felt like for the disciples in the boat. Terrified and panicked are a few words that come to mind. Those lyrics reminded me that this isn’t God’s first storm and this isn’t hard for him to conquer, but it sure as heck is impossible for me to conquer without Him, the One who the wind and the waves obey.

He (Jesus) replied,”Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. “

Matthew 17:20

Thankfully God doesn’t need me to have some sort of crazy big faith. He just wants my heart, small faith and all. He’ll handle everything else.

The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still. 

Exodus 14:14